1. Car ignitions and spark plugs simultaneously breaking results in a terrifying hour spent crawling along the Belgian motorway at a maximum speed of 42 miles per hour. 2. Driving at 42 miles per hour on the Belgian motorway annoys even the slowest of lorry drivers.
3. Just in case you ever need them, I would wholeheartedly recommend the breakdown services on the ring road outside Brussels. Our driver spoke 5 languages fluently and we were back on our way within 3 hours. Not to mention the fact that he had an encyclopaedic knowledge of Fawlty Towers. 4. As fun as having a car towed away actually is, there are probably more fun ways to pass time than sitting in a Ford Garage reading Beauty and the Beast in Flemmish and watching an overdubbed American series on fishing for tuna.
5. The German breakdown services are also highly efficient. Yes, I did experience being towed away twice in a week. No, it (luckily) wasn't the same car.
6. Whilst driving on the wrong side of the road is actually not so bad (with the exception of overtaking, which leaves me extremely tempted to continue on the left...!), the admin associated with having an English car in Germany is. I currently possess 5 Green Cards. I repeat, 5.
7. Having a car with the wheel ''auf der falschen Seite'' appears to be a constant source of novelty for all Germans who I encounter.
8. Getting stopped by the police in the pitch black on a country road is really quite scary. Even if I did know that I was neither a). speeding b). drunk nor c). an escaped criminal. Admittedly, the expression on the policeman's face when he looked in through the left hand window and saw no driver was, however, minorly hysterical.
9. Petrol is confusing and there are too many unleaded options. My car needs ''Super''. The fact that there is also ''Super Plus'' and ''Super E10'' petrol has resulted in my becoming extremely paranoid with regards to filling up.
10. I am too British and need to learn to man up and not leave a miniscule amount in the bottom of bottles of water on the dinner table for fear of mortally offending anyone. The Germans find this rather a strange habit.
11. Ditto the last slice of bread/ the last biscuit/ the last few crisps.
12. The same applies to this overly-polite-carefully-worded-question-formulating-beating-around-the-bush British habit that I appear to have. Just spit it out, woman.
13. Saying what you mean, whilst a foreign concept to me and many Brits, is actually surprisingly effective and I am now debating whether this forms the basis for all of this German efficiency malarkey that we so often hear about.
14. I cannot find an English explanation that sufficiently describes a German ''Fest''.
15. The Germans do ''grillen'' better than anyone.
16. Ditto sausages.
17. Ditto sweets. The Viba Nougatstange (basically a stick of Nutella) is the best invention since Cadbury Dairy Milk. In fact, just ditto most foods. Germany, you have got it right in the food department. England, sort it out.
18. I can now do a front flip. Unfortunately, during the process of learning to do this, I have split my lip open and acquired an extremely blue (and potentially broken) nose and swollen knee. You do the detective work, my little Sherlocks. 19. Looking young has its advantages. Such as being bought my train ticket home because someone at Frankfurt Hauptbahnhof thought I was a lost school girl. Even if my ego took a blow, my purse didn't... ON THE PLUS SIDE!
20. Another lesson that I learnt the hard way: look at maps. Failing to do so resulted in me getting a Metro going in the completely wrong direction because nice-person-who-bought-my-ticket told me to, then having to change trains twice before continuing on the overground line for 14 stops. All on a ticket which was valid for one uninterrupted journey only. ''Schwarzfahren'' is scary, don't do it, kids.
21. Registering as a German resident and opening a bank account and, really, everything that sounded vaguely scary to do was actually fine. Buying a phone, however, required a passport and lots of tariff knowledge and was really rather confusing.
22. German TV remains as cool as ever. Yes, that is an ostrich.23. I am, contrary to most expectations, actually able to function before 7AM. I do not know whether or not I enjoy this fact or not.
24. German pillows are actually very comfy. (For all Brits who think this is a weird comment, I refer to the fact that the pillows are square and very squishy and do not really resemble British pillows at all).
25. Not being faced with a university reading list for September is an extremely exciting prospect. And a very good excuse to read the sequel to The Devil wears Prada. Goethe, you can wait. 26. Despite my being British and ginger and therefore fairly genetically unequipped for any weather involving either sunshine or warmth, I am slowly feeling the pressure to wear jeans and long sleeves in the blistering heat JUST BECAUSE THE GERMANS DO. Although I am aware that this is potentially completely irrational, I feel as if wrapping up may be the long-lost-secret to dealing with heat. I will keep you updated. And, if it works, shotgun naming the theory.
27. A scarf is an essential accessory. Always. Yes, even in August. Ditto sensible (usually Converse-style) shoes. Regardless of the accompanying outfit.
28. German transport is not always as punctual as one may think. Shocking, I know.
29. Train delays of over an hour can be good as they result in refunds and a free (non-alcoholic) drink. This is especially helpful if you initially paid an extortionary amount for your long-distance train ticket due to having only booked it the day before. 30. 7 hours worth of meetings and parents evenings is a deceptively fun way to spend an evening. I recommend.
auf der falschen Seite- on the wrong side
Super- me friendly petrol
Super Plus- petrol variation #1
Super E10- petrol variation #2
Fest- a glorified gala; think Oktoberfest (but not always with that much beer flowing) crossed with a Christmas market (minus the Christmas theme, but with the Lebkuchen)
grillen- BBQ
Schwarzfahren- to ride public transport without having paid for the relevant ticket
