1. Chuck Norris has the same ''Synchronsprecher'' as Benjamin Blümchen. Yes, I am referring to an extremely cute and cuddly cartoon elephant sharing a voice with the Chuck Norris, martial artist, all round hard-core guy and centre of the ''Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice''/ ''Chuck Norris can build a campfire under water''/ ''Chuck Norris once stared at the sun for hours. And then the sun blinked'' etc. jokes.
2. German bureaucracy exists. Believe the rumours. All of them. This month I have spent the majority of my time located somewhere under an extremely large pile of forms. In fact, over the past few weeks it has seemed as if I have been permanently engaged in a particularly intense battle against time: Jenny vs. German bureaucracy. I am yet to establish whether feeling the need to hibernate in order sleep off my form-filling-induced-stress means that I have come out on top of this.
3. It is possible for an English car to fail a ''TüV'' due to the headlamps being the wrong way round. I speak from experience in that doing so is highly stressful, very inconvenient and, in general, just not at all to be recommended, really.
3b. Headlamps are big. 4. After trying to register a car within a 2 hour time gap, I will now rethink before I ever again begin to moan about essay deadlines. For your personal entertainment, I shall expand upon this:
06:30: Alarm goes off.
07:00: Jenny drives to the ''Zulassungsstelle'' to register the car. Arrives 15 minutes too early. Is still not the first person there.
07:30: Jenny gets a ticket with a number on it and plans lessons until said number is called. (Ok, maybe I played a bit of Tetris too, but you get the idea).
07:40: The number on the ticket is called. Jenny produces a pile of papers higher than her (maybe a slight exaggeration, but only slight) and begins to register the car.
08:00: Jenny is asked for the ''Rechnung'' for the car. Despite having every single other document under the sun, she does not have (nor will she ever have) a ''Rechnung'' to prove her second-hand purchase of the car, mainly because, well, she did not purchase the car second-hand. The fact that the car has stayed within the family after its initial purchase appears to cause a bit of a problem.
08:15: It is decided, after a fair bit of debate, that the registration process will be continued. Jenny is happy about this. 08:17: It is discovered that the name on the insurance does not feature the middle name which Jenny's passport does. This is a big problem. Jenny must ring insurance company to request a new insurance number immediately.
08:18: Jenny realises that the insurance company do not open until 09:00.
08:19: Jenny plans to drive to work and finish the registration process the following day. She then realises that this is not possible due to the fact that the car is now no longer registered in England. Jenny realises that she is now, very glamorously, stuck in a car park. Jenny would really quite like some chocolate but this is not a luxury provided by the nearby field, so she settles for a cheese ''Brötchen'' instead.
08:20- 08:50: Jenny rings the insurance company at regular 5 minute intervals and regrets the fact that her iPod headphones/ reading book haven't quite made it to join her in said car park. Jenny people watches.
08:52: Jenny gets a new insurance number. Jenny is happy. Now is the time.
08:53: Jenny runs inside ready to complete registration process.
09:00: After waiting for a while, the registration process continues.09:15: And continues.
09:30: And continues.
09:35: Jenny attempts to convey a sense of needing to hurry up.
09:36: Jenny selects her number plates. And is VERY EXCITED.
09:37: Jenny has to collect her number plates from nearby shop. This is on a different street. Jenny runs there.
09:40: Jenny arrives at shop and picks up said number plates. Jenny is then told that she was actually supposed to drive there so that the number plates can be put on the car.
09:41: Jenny runs back to the other street and drives back to have the number plates fitted.
09:43: Number plates are fitted and Jenny drives back to the ''Zulassungsstelle''.
09:45: Jenny is told that she has to leave her English number plates at the ''Zulassungsstelle''. This is a concept that confuses her slightly but, for fear of having to fill in another form in order to get them back again, she decides that her English number plates may rather enjoy a change of scene.
09:46: Jenny runs back to car to collect the English number plates.
09:47: Jenny hands in the English number plates and is then informed that the car must be inspected. Jenny isn't particularly chuffed by this concept.
09:48: Jenny and inspector-in-fluorescent-jacket run to the car and the car is inspected.
09:50: Jenny runs back to the ''Zulassungsstelle'' to pick up any remaining paperwork. There is [surprisingly] none, so Jenny sprints back out to the car park and, not at all stressed, drives to work.
09:55: Jenny's happy dance is short lived and she, along with her now fully registered car get stuck in traffic.
6. After having the ''Winterreifen'' put on the car it is normal to be able to keep your old tyres. No, I didn't realise this at the time. Yes, I did thank the mechanic for half an hour for being so kind (I mean, hello, he even gave me a giant carrier bag to put each wheel in, how nice of him was that?!). Oh, Britain, I probably really don't do much to help your reputation, I am sorry.
7. 7's and z's should be crossed horizontally through in the middle.
8. These Year Abroads make you grow up quickly. This month I achieved something no child could dream of: I used Superglue without sticking my fingers together. All by myself. Twice. 9. How to slice ''Brötchen'' to Weihnachtsmarkt standard and speed. (For future reference: directly through the middle, leaving about 1 inch still attached).
10. Knives used for cutting ''Brötchen'' are sharp.
11. I can think of nothing that defines German efficiency better than the quality of their antifreeze. So far it's hit -4° and no ''kratzen'' has been required. Not even once.
12. ''Apropos'' temperature, it really is a tad chilly here in winter. And, despite my normal mentality of manning-up and whacking on another layer, even I have had to cave to purchasing myself a good, sensible, ''Winterjacke''. Germany, I hope you're proud.
13. The answer was ''Greifzange''. I can now enter/ exit car parks and have the luxury of remaining in the driver's seat whilst doing so (something which has seen me receive applause from colleagues). As surprising as it may be, I really will not particularly miss regularly skewering my knee on the gear-stick.
14. Reversing down 4 storeys of a multi-storey car park is an experience which I would really rather not repeat, thank you very much. (Please note, however: I did manage to do this without plummeting to my death. From now on I will only answer to the name Michael Schumacher).
15. Fiveteen.
16. Big scary matters of administration have snuggly abbreviations, such as ''GeKo'', which, despite sounding like a cute amphibian, actually refers to the rather less snuggly-situation otherwise known as a ''Gesamtkonferenz''.
17. A ''GeKo'' is immediately livened up when games are integrated. Queue a room full of 100+ teachers attempting to count to 3 without saying 1, 2, or 3. Entertainment at its finest. 18. Sherlock and Watson ''Siezen'' each other. Seeing as they're probably the first literary duo that spring to my mind, I found this a tad hard to get my head around.
19. ''Sie'' aka. the polite form of ''you'' isn't as scary as it seems. I would be the first person to admit that I do not have the best relationship with ''Sie''; I know when to use it and how to use it, and even how to conjugate verbs following it, but none of that changes the fact that I would rather exist in that safe-British-haven-of-never-quite-knowing-where-you-stand-with-anyone. HOWEVER, even though it does seem weird using it, the Germans really don't bat an eyelid and, after all, it is just being ''höflich'', which is something we Brits are supposed to be alright at, right?
20. Use the Autobahn. This was something that I had originally intended to avoid doing because it just sounded so big and scary and, ''vor allem'', so fast. Needless to say my avoiding the Autobahn lasted less than a week, and I realised that I was just going to have to grin-and-bear-it-and-join-the-world-of-traffic-without-a-speed-limit. I did, and I am now loving every minute of fast long distance travelling. (That is, to say, travelling as fast as a Ford Fiesta is ever going to travel).
21. A big thumbs-up for the brown and white Autobahn signs that explain all of the tourist attractions nearby and, generally, just make driving like one big history lesson.
22. Note to self: the blue and white Autobahn signs are a few hundred miles ahead of your thinking process. You are not going to mysteriously wind-up in Berlin just because the sign seems to suggest so.
23. When in Germany, one does not drink tap water. There goes the good old British-student-trick of asking for a [free] jug of water for the table.
24. Coke and Fanta go together so well that they can even be purchased ready-mixed-together.
25. Ditto Ketchup and Mayo.
26. Schools have tables and chairs. Unfortunately my brain doesn't appear to have quite latched onto this concept yet, and I continue to only realise this once I've walked into them.
27. English adverts for glasses are superior to German adverts for glasses. Sorry, Fielmann, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHx_5ruO17s) but you should have gone to Specsavers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KZeO5oc428).
28. The ''Werbung'' for Hornbach is GRIM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bASUnISmF8). So grim that I though that they specialised in helping people write their wills. A logical conclusion to draw from watching someone build a staircase and then die (along with the oh-so-cheerful-slogan of ''und was bleibt von Dir?''), oder? But, oh no, they are actually a DIY company (Brits, think B&Q).
29. Germans do ''Rückmeldung'' so well. Back in the day when I was at school, giving feedback was the chance to just tick everything and then talk about what you had had for tea the night before. This has apparently changed and I have witnessed even Simon Cowell's criticisms be well and truly blown out of the water by people born many a decade after him. 30. It is all about the ''Krimi''.
31. You know that good old classic British trick of speaking VERY LOUD English in an attempt avoid a situation abroad becoming awkward? Yep, that one. Don't pretend that you've never done it. Well... after having watched a group of Germans (in Germany) deliberately change language into English in a hopeful attempt to avoid awkwardness, I can reassure you that we are not the only ones who do it. I can hear you breathe a sigh of relief, there. You're welcome.
32. Speaking to cashiers in German in England causes much confusion. Yes, I admit, there was potentially a second in which I may possibly have forgotten what country I was in.
33. Surprises are the best. As was my housemate's expression when I turned up on her doorstep in Durham as an early-birthday surprise. 34. Although being in England was LOVELY, I will most probably have to be dragged away from Germany kicking and screaming at the prospect of having to return to summative essay writing next year.
35. There is no language in which road-rage can be so successfully conveyed as in German.
36. WhatsApp > BBM. So. I caved in and got WhatsApp. Whilst this may be the cheapest way of sending messages/ photos etc., my phone has been left rather confused (as have I) and has assigned all of the English landline contacts on my phone a +49 number. For several days I didn't quite understand why some of my non-German-speaking-friends had taken to posting statuses ranting at people/ declaring their love for people in German. And then I twigged that they weren't actually my non-German-speaking-friends, ''sondern'' real Germans who I don't actually know...
37. The wearing ear-plugs-at-concerts-thing (see lesson #29, October) depends on the concert. [Most] Avenged Sevenfold fans are too hard-core for that kind of stuff.
38. School trips are just as exciting in your 20's as they were back in the day. I even managed to get myself out of bed pre-5AM (after having got back from the airport at 2AM), such was my ''Klassenfahrt'' commitment.
39. If the worst comes to the worst, after navigating people around London for a weekend, I at least have a job as a tour-guide.
40. Nordic walking is everywhere.
Finally, not one lesson learned, but many. I have nothing more to say than: visit a Concentration Camp.
Synchronsprecher- person who overdubs the voices on films/ news reports etc.
TüV- German version of the MOT
Zulassungsstelle- registration office
Rechnung- receipt
Brötchen- bread roll
Winterreifen- winter tyres
die Studentin mit dem englischen Auto- the student with the English car (I feel as if this sums this month up fairly well)
kratzen- to scrape [ice]
Apropos- on the subject of
Winterjacke- coat for the winter
Greifzange- litter-picking-stick
Gesamtkonferez- general staff meeting
Siezen- to use ''Sie'' to each other
Sie- the polite form of ''you'', used with people you don't know that well
höflich- polite
vor allem- above all
Werbung- advert
und was bleibt von Dir?- and what remains of you?
oder- or
Rückmeldung- feedback
Krimi- whodunnit
Klassenfahrt- class trip
