January 2014

1. It's not a proper advert if it doesn't end with: ''zu Risiken und Nebenwirkungen lesen Sie die Packungsbeilage und fragen Sie Ihren Arzt oder Apotheker''

2. Forgetting to bring a suitcase on a Year Abroad= potentially not the best move by yours truly. Fortunately, this has now been rectified and 2014 will hopefully bring with it less shampoo/deodorant/[insert liquid here]-still-in-hand-luggage situations...

3. People in England are too polite. During a shopping trip whilst back at home, lady-at-checkout couldn't seem to bear to inform me that I had actually coppered up with the entirely wrong currency and, instead, silently waited until I cottoned on to the fact that a pile of Euros isn't normally much help when trying to buy things in Manchester.

4. Being stopped in a car at gun-point is scary. Even if it did actually turn out to be a wandering wild boar that was being sought out, not me.

5a. With the exception of the aforementioned 'what do you do when there is someone stood in the middle of the road pointing a gun at you' situation, it is actually possible to go for a month without car-drama. This is something that reassures me greatly for life in general.

5b. SatNavs lie. No, the middle of a field wasn't exactly my destination of intent. Surprising, I know. Dear dog walkers, I know now that cars aren't allowed on footpaths in woods, BUT THE SATNAV MADE ME.

6. Germany is cold. As is my car in the mornings. In an attempt to cope with said lack of heat, and after several mornings without feeling in my hands, I have had to resort to purchasing a steering-wheel cover. Unfortunately, the only one that I was able to locate was not only bright yellow, but also fluffy. So, yeah, whatever cool points I ever may have had are now well and truly ''weg''.

7a. The Germans know way more about English grammar than the English.

7b. I am now unable to use the ''past progressive'' without conjuring up a mental image of a list of ''Signalwörter''.

7c. The English grammar rules for comparatives/ superlatives are super clever.

8. After a lovely weekend with lovely people, I have established the fact that Vienna is lovely. Go, see.

9. Forgetting that I was actually supposed to be going to ''Wien'' until that morning was not my finest hour. It was, however, a very nice surprise when I eventually remembered.

10. Upon research, I discovered that ''Sachertorte'' is what one eats when in Vienna. Viennese Whirls are apparently ''a British confection'' according to the all-knowing Wikipedia. You learn something new, as they say!

11a. The abundance of abortion adverts in Austria (check out that alliteration, English GCSE!) confused me a tad.

11b. The fact that one of these adverts consisted of a picture of a pepper and a piece of chocolate confused me more. Suggestions are welcome.

12a. Planes with TV's on them are EXCITING.

12b. Planes with TV's on them that are broken and continuously wind-up/wind-down for the entire flight duration are comedy at its finest when in a speed-packing-induced-state-of-hysteria.

12c. Giggling into an in-flight magazine for 90 minutes is not really appreciated by serious businessmen.

13. I reiterate point 29 of September 2013. Not only has my hair now been dyed by a 13 year old, but also cut by them. This apparent super-hairdressing-ability far exceeds my capacity to half-adequately plait.

14. When in Germany, the fork is the dominant piece of cutlery.

Standard text convo...

15a. A water bottle should accompany you at all possible times. The bigger the better.

15b. Fanta can be bought in 3l bottles.

16a. GAIL EMMS, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COME OUT OF RETIREMENT DURING THE ONE YEAR I AM ABROAD FOR?! I am aware that this has nothing whatsoever to do with Germany, but I just had to get that out, sorry.

16b. To at least tie my last point into Germany slightly, I am very excited about going to the German Open this year. Kamilla Rytter Juhl and Christinna Pedersen, please get on it, as I really have no ''Bock auf'' having to endure China vs. China.


17. If it is possible for a chocolate selection to be too good, then the one in Germany is.

18a. I am greatly enjoying life in the 21st century with a phone that actually has the capacity to send/ receive/ texts/ calls.

18b. Oh, and Temple Run is alright, too.

19a. When in Germany, expect drinks with fizz. Upon returning home, I was surprised that I have grown rather accustomed to the pain involved with drinking at speed.

19b. England really needs to get on to the ''Apfelschorle'' bandwagon.

20. All TV worth watching starts at 20:15.

21. 'A quick guide to German TV:
''Extrem schön''= Extreme Makeover
''Die strengsten Eltern der Welt''= The world's strictest parents
''Das Supertalent''= BGT
''Ich bin ein Star – Holt mich hier raus!/ Das Dschungelcamp''= I'm a celeb
''Inspector Barnaby''= Midsomer Murders
''Zuhause im Gluck''= Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

22. I wouldn't have thought that England -> Germany jet-lag was possible. But ''boar, ey'' getting up at the equivalent of English 5AM on the first day back at school was, ahem, hard work.

23. In the German version of ''My Fair Lady'', she has a Berlin accent.

24a. Cheddar cheese is really quite difficult to locate.

24b. Ditto a variety of ready-made salads.

24c. Ditto most things. Germany, isle-labelling, isle-labelling, Germany. Please get acquainted in order to save me from having to shop at the too-pricey-for-a-student ''Rewe'', just because they vaguely inform me of where to find the chocolate.

25. I would never have thought that I would miss hearing about an ''unexpected item in bagging area'', but, oh England, self-service checkouts do actually have their advantages. Mainly the fact that you can pay s-l-o-w-l-y.

26. With the exception of Tomato Ketchup, Frankfurt at night is my favourite thing ever ever ever.

27. ''Curry Gewürz Ketchup'' is slowly catching up with Heinz in my mental-top-Ketchup-list.

28. ''Dinner for one'' should be watched at New Year.

29a. My English is bad. Sentences to come out of my mouth this month include: ''stell yourself in the Schlange hin'' and ''when I drived to school''. Go, me.

29b. Upon proof-reading this blog, I also came across the gem: Dinner for one must be cooked (I assume I got confused with ''geguckt''... )

30. My English accent has all but disappeared. Nowadays I appear to be less the farmer, more the confused Queen. I don't know how my inner Northerner feels about this.  


zu Risiken und Nebenwirkungen lesen Sie die Packungsbeilage und fragen Sie Ihren Arzt oder Apotheker- Refer to the package leaflet for risks and side effects and consult your doctor or pharmacist.
weg- gone
Signalwörter- words which signal that a certain tense must be used
Sachertorte- chocolate cake
Bock auf- to feel like doing
Apfelschorle- fizzy apple juice
stell yourself in the Schlange hin- get in the queue
geguckt- watched