February 2014

1. Fish are friends, not food. Meet Gandalf, my new roommate/ BFF/ life coach. He is a ''Kampffisch'' and is far cooler than I am, but we get on very well, although I'm not really sure what language to address him in. He's also purple. So is my hair after I got bored of the blonde*.

*NB. at least I thought the dye I bought was purple, a student told me that it reminded them of red cabbage...

2a. Germany is an hour ahead of England. This became particularly apparent after my decision to watch the Super Bowl in its entirety resulted in it starting (and therefore finishing) an hour later than usually anticipated.

2b. So, yeah, working on an hour's sleep is interesting.

3. As practical as it would be to directly translate the German ''... oder?'' at the end of a sentence as ''...or?'' when asking questions in English, it doesn't quite work. But it makes me smile every time I hear it. Or confuses every English speaking person who I accidentally use it on.

4. Germans do not tend to embrace Facebook in the same let-the-entire-world-stalk-me-and-know-everything-about-me-for-ever-and-ever-AND-know-what-I-had-for-dinner kind of way that the Brits do. Rather they use alternative names, or split their names up, so they are called ''Jenn Ifer'', for example, and appear to have an average of 5 photos. This has left me slightly paranoid that, although I'm fairly careful when it comes to social media, the world probably knows everything about me in comparison. And yes, I am even guilty of having posted a photo of my dinner during the last month. I'm clearly doing this wrong.

5. Q: ''Was ist grün, steht vor der Tür und klopft?''
    A: ''Ein Klopfsalat''.

6. When the final year does their ''Abitur'', their families/ friends make posters for them, wishing them luck, which are put up near the school. My current favourite, which gets a 10 from me on both the creativity and the cuteness scale, has been made by a Kindergarten located on the way to the school, wishing the ''Abi'' class of 2014 luck from the ''Abi'' class of 2028.

7. Having to complete 18 pages worth of translation in order to meet a deadline, with no internet connection and a dictionary smaller than my hand is minorly stressful. Especially when it features a case study about a tile manufacturer's distribution strategy.

8. ''Männerballet'' needs to be granted the main-stream-entertainment status which it deserves. Now. There is nothing that the world needs more at the moment than middle-aged men dressed as bunny rabbits.

9. I can think of nothing in England which is comparable ''Karneval/ Fasching/ Fastnacht/ Fasnacht/ Fasnet/ Fastelovend/ Fasteleer/ fünfte Jahreszeit''.  I can also think of no way to properly describe it, but seeing as this is something which I have defo learnt this month, I'll have to attempt anyway. Apologies in advance...:

• begins on 11th November at 11:11
• peaks during the week before Lent begins
• during this time there are ''Sitzungen'', where people sit in fancy dress* at long tables, drink beer and sway when music is played
• at these ''Sitzungen'' people stand up on stage and are very honest about politics (oh, and they dance/ jig around a bit, too)
• when said people on stage are a bit too honest about politics, the said people at long tables start to sing ''oy, oy, oy, oy, oy, oy, oy, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow'' and are accompanied by a brass band in doing so
• the main ''Karneval'' cities are Cologne, Mainz and Düsseldorf
• there are also ''Umzüge'', where tractors/ lorries pull floats (in the main cities, these are often politically based, and this year's floats therefore heavily featured Obama and Merkel's ''Handy''...) and the people on said floats throw sweets, lots of sweets, at the people on the streets

* fancy dress is a must and, I have, consequently, spent the majority of this month in a sparkly purple witch's costume...

10. Germany doesn't do pancakes on Pancake Day.

11a. I have developed a soft spot for the songs played during the ''Karneval'' time, although I do question their logic slightly. Need I say more than ''Ich hab 'ne Zwiebel auf dem Kopf, ich bin ein Döner, denn Döner macht schöner''?

11b. ''Karneval'' music requires a different type of dancing than your standard chart tunes. I would describe this as a sort of jig/ sway which sort of spontaneously appears to occur upon hearing said ''Musik''.

12. A German household requires a stash of at least 12+ fizzy drinks (each 1.5l- 2l, where possible) in the corridor.

13. I can think of no nation with better clapping stamina than Germany. And, judging by my willingness to give up after half-heartedly clapping 4 times, potentially no nation with worse clapping stamina than England.

14. Do not underestimate the pain involved with getting a handful of soap in your eye. It was mint flavoured and my eye cried involuntarily for 2 days afterwards. At least my face smelt nice, but, seriously, FEEL MY PAIN.

15. The ''Festhalle'' in Frankfurt is defo a picturesque alternative to having the Manchester MEN Arena as my usual go-to concert venue.

16. Despite slacking on the badminton front a bit as of late, I still have enough muscles going on to give shoulder rides.

17. Spontaneously road-tripping to the German Open was a Good. Move. Even if I have seen England on better form.

18. When taking part in competitive sport in Germany, everyone shakes everyone's hand/ high-5's everyone.

19. In Hamburg there is the world's largest model railway. After seeing the videos, I've gained a new sightseeing mission.

20. English theatre in Germany is a thing, and, while their English compatriots are still struggling to describe their local leisure centre, I was left amazed this month at how the theatre group at my school were able to perform 1 hour and 30 minutes worth of a play in fantastic English.




Kampffisch- Siamese fighting fish
Was ist grün, steht vor der Tür und klopft?/ Ein Klopfsalat- what is green, stands in front of the door and knocks/ a knocking lettuce (this joke doesn't exactly make sense in English, but lettuce= Kopfsalat, knock= Klopf...)
Abitur/ Abi- A Levels
Karneval/ Fasching/ Fastnacht/ Fasnacht/ Fasnet/ Fastelovend/ Fasteleer/ fünfte Jahreszeit- see my above attempted explanation...
Sitzungen- ditto
Umzüge- processions
Handy- mobile
Ich hab 'ne Zwiebel auf dem Kopf, ich bin ein Döner, denn Döner macht schöner- I have an onion on my head, I am a kebab, because kebabs make you more beautiful
Musik- music